he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
