Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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