wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
