We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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