Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize