it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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