why didn't you poke me back
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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