Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
