Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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