hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
