I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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