walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
