i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
