I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sext me about skeletons
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
