True but thats because hes a fetus.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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