Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
