Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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