I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
