I hate all girls vehemently.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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