I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
