hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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