I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
