Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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