Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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