I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
