dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
