Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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