it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
