do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
