I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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