Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
