Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
