He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize