Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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