u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize