I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
