God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
