best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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