the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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