We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize