I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
