I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
