i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
