One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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