I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
