our cab driver is having phone sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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