i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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