Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
