I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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