all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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