Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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