Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
