Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
