Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's like iHOP with fire
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize