i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize