I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
