You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
