you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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