Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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