If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
