I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
