True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
