Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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