I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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