just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
