Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize