Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
