I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
